Saturday, July 15, 2006

True Friends

Warning Warning Warning

You are entering a rant zone!!!

I have a long time friend. Well I am his friend when he has nothing better to do. We have been friends for sometime online. He is a great guy and I really enjoy spending time with him. Well the first time he had an online girlfriend our friendship fell by the waste side. Well she did not last long and he came back pretty quick. But then the second online girlfriend lasted much longer. I bet about a year and half and again our friendship ceased to exist. I was shocked when he contacted me when their relationship got a bit rocky and eventually ended. I could not believe it was him. But I was thrilled because I really do enjoy his friendship, he is fun.

I guess that was a few months ago and we talk on and off but not frequently. Well all of sudden no contact, no messages, no nothing and I thought hmmmmm.... So I messaged him and said have you met someone? He said yes about a week ago. Well I am not one to mince words so I said oh I guess you will be gone yet again just like with the other ones. He said no I will not!!! I did not respond and he said "I will PROVE YOU WRONG!!!" I said okay I hope you do.

Guess what?? I have not heard from him since and that was about 2 weeks ago.

What would you do?


At 7/15/2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear this has hurt you cherish.

Friendships whether online or in real life require a give and take energy to keep the relationship flowing.

If this has reached the point where his behavior patterns are hurting then it's best to end the friendship.
On the other hand if there are enough good qualities about this person which you feel are worth saving then an honest heart to heart talk about how this is hurting you might help.
At least then you would know you've done all you could to try to save the friendship.
If that fails then you can inform this person you can't continue with the friendship.

I wish you the best with this and I'm sorry to hear this has happened.

At 7/15/2006, Blogger Tim ID said...

One of the most difficult things I have had to come to terms with as I age is that very few people stay in your life for the long term. Friends who forsake friendships the minute they get involved romantically aren't truly friends. Life is too short to tolerate bad behavior and bad behavior rarely changes. Kick him to the curb. But that's just my humble opinion. :)

At 7/15/2006, Blogger cherish said...

TC: Thank you so much for your kind words. He is a great person and friend, he just does not care about me. I have realized that he continued friendships with everyone else it is just me that he does not want to deal with when he has a girl. So I guess really he made the decision.

Tim: Thank you and I am sure you are right it is time just to go on. I did that the last time he was gone for 1.5 years. I was so shocked when he contacted me. I am happy he has found someone. But I learned a long time ago that boyfriends(Girlfriends) come and go but friends are forever. He has carried on friendship with others it is just me that he can not be bothered with when he has a girlfriend. I guess three strikes and I am out.

At 7/15/2006, Blogger Still Searching... said...

I have a real life friend like that, and it makes me crazy. At first I understood (or at least tried to). But it's a bit hurtful and leaves me feeling used, when he can't return my phonecalls unless he wants something from me...or he feels sad...who does he call??? Yup, me. When I stop calling though, or DARE not call him back promptly, I sure hear about it. Ugh.

Thanks for stopping by my new home Cherish! Do you have a Live Journal account? If you do, let me know so I can "friend" you, otherwise you won't be able to see the protected posts.

At 7/16/2006, Blogger cherish said...

Still Searching: It really sucks when people take others for granted. The first two times this happened I was very hurt but figured "such is life" I never expected him to return after the 1.5 year absence. But I think the final blow for me was when I pointed out that he is doing it again and he denied it. But I knew when I had not heard from him for an entire week he had met someone. So again I will say "Oh well such is life".

I am not a member of live journal.

At 7/16/2006, Anonymous xmichra said...

Beofore i read the other comments, i am just going to say what i think here.

This guy that is a fair weather friend is just that. I wouldn't invest too much emotionally into him.

I also wouldn't cut things off with him. After all it is an internet friendship.. and the only minus to that can be flipped to a bonus in this case. you can choose how often to corespond with him. ANd you never know, maybe with you as his 'last resort' you are helping him through things he normally couldn't go through alone. and that is just amazing.

I am in no way condoning his actions. i think that is pretty lame of him. But you know his MO, and you know how much take and little give he offers when he IM's you.

Be mad though, you are totally entitled. but I wouldn't bother divuldging that to him. He obviously doesn't have enough respect to understand.

At 7/16/2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found the link for your blog on Alan's blog(Lost In A World Awhirl)
You have made me think, smile and laugh!
I look forward to coming back for a visit.

stay safe

At 7/16/2006, Blogger Chuck said...

i'd let him come and go but don't let him get to you, don't look forward to his contacts and don't ever chase him. it's easy to say these things and advise is cheap, follow your instincts and i think that maybe you've already figured out what to do, there are a lot of people out there and you'll find "friends" that will be more true, good luck.

At 7/17/2006, Blogger LocuTus of Borg said...

cherish, like everyone said, I think those things happen in life to everyone. And there are some that actually do these things themselves :(. It is hard to find the priorities to do the things around us, work, family, love-life, friends, chores, etc. and have enough time. But it really comes down to priority. I think what you did was the best thing - just to tell him. A true friend (like yourself) is someone that stays there no matter what.

At 7/17/2006, Blogger cherish said...

Xmichra: Thank you so much for the advice!! Smiles

Nikki: Thank you for stopping by and commenting!!!! Alan is a great guy!

Chuck: Thank you for visiting my blog again!!! I appreciate your advice, thank you so much!

LoB: Thank you for the advice as always very helpful!

At 7/17/2006, Blogger Jim C said...

I agree witrh Xmichra - roll with it....keep it light.

At 7/20/2006, Blogger :phil: said...

I know some fair weather friends, I've learned not to invest too much in the friendship and to just roll with it

At 7/20/2006, Blogger cherish said...

Jim C: Thank you smiles I will!!!

Phil: Thank you as well smiles...

Sings Rolling Rolling GRINZ

At 7/23/2006, Blogger darlingina said...

HIS loss if he chooses to lose a friend as special as you. i'm sorry he hurt your feelings and hope it all works out for the best.

At 7/27/2006, Blogger Jonh Neo said...

good evening cherish, I like your blog and I want to exchange your blog link with my link,
my blog is Arts Collections .
pls feedback to me.
Good Google Link About Arts


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