Sunday, December 04, 2005

Writer's Block



I am so sorry that I have not written in my blog lately. I just seem to be at a loss for words. I do not have anything to write about. Writer's block really sucks! ~chuckles~ Thank you to everyone who emailed me to see if I was okay. I have really felt cared for in the past few days.

I have come to feel judged by the words I write here. Correct punctuation? words used correctly? Interesting? xrated? poorly written? Pushing my beliefs on another? As soon as I begin to write a blog entry all these things begin to plague my mind. (I guess the bigger questions is why do I care so much what others think? great question cherish!! does anyone have a great answer? please!!)


Needless to say I just delete what I have already written, close my laptop and hope tomorrow will be a better day to write. I use to love to write in my blog. I just wrote from the heart and did not worry about the little things. This is not a report for work, a resume', a publication for the masses, it is just my blog. I thought it was suppose to be fun and enjoyable but here lately it seems like work. I do not have time to use a thesaurus so the words I write seem impressive. I do not have the time to check the spelling of every word. I do not have time to edit my work. Well this is not true I do have time to edit my work but I find myself changing my words as I edit what I have already written, then it winds up being something different then my first intention. I really miss "just writing" in my blog no worries with all the nonsense. I have a college education, so what? who cares? does it make me a better or worse person? (hell no it makes me me with a college education because I am me no matter what) blogging is suppose to be fun and not about striving to impress people. Am I wrong here? I have read some wonderfully written blogs and I think of the time that must be involved with finding just the right words, some are so obviously edited and edited and changed most definitely crying out *~warning thesaurus in use here~*. I have read some poorly written blogs but WOW they have knocked my socks off with honesty and I know as I read their blogs it is the genuine truth. I enjoy reading a blog that I am able to simply enjoy what they have to say and see the true person behind the words. There is one blog I have read, God Bless him because I have to look 1/3 of the words in his entry. I love the way he writes, I mean LOVE!!!! He is such an amazing writer and his words fly off the page into the most beautiful masterpiece ever painted on canvas. Well... I must be honest with you I would normally assume he was looking words up, changing stuff and trying to make himself feel more intelligent because I kept thinking most would not use the words he uses but something about his writing told me different. Smiles and pats myself on the back I had a conversation with him to find that he is a President of a Company and he speaks the exact same way he types.

Well... I have been working very hard trying to get past this so I can just write my thoughts, wishes, dreams and desires without concern about punctuation, spelling, fragmenting, sentence structure and using really big words to impress people.


I just want to be me and to enjoy this form of expression without judgement. I received an email from a Christian lady who was very upset about my blog. She did not think I was correct in talking about my submissive desires. She felt that part of my blog should be separate than the stuff about my family and children. If you have ever read my profile most of that is directed towards people like her. She kept saying over and over again "I am a Christian". I felt like saying to her "and so am I " but really that was not her business. It is funny because I am a Christian and so very proud to be a Christian, Roman Catholic from birth and thankful that I was born into such a wonderful religion. But I do not feel the need to put other religions or religious beliefs down. I know in my heart of hearts that being Catholic is part of who I am. Just as being Jewish, Muslum, Atheist, Buddist, Hedonist or Wiccan is part of who others are, and I respect that. I have no need or desire to stand on top of a mountain top yelling out everything that is wrong with other religions to make my belief seem better. I was never much for leveling, I do not need to make someone feel bad so I feel better in the same respect I do not need to put other religions down to make my beliefs more believable. Because to be honest I do not care what other people think about me being a Catholic. You may accept me for the entire person or move forward in your journey of life without me.


I am a Redskin fan!! Yes I am Go SKINS!!! I will route for the Redskins always because I have been a fan of the redskins for more years than I would like to admit ~giggles~ but the Redskins have been my team through thick and thin, through victories and losses and they will always be my team. I wear the Redskin colors with great pride whether they are 11 and 0 or 0 and 11. I am a fan of Dale Jarrett. I have several DJ coats and shirts. I wear them with great pride whether he is having a great season, soso season, or an amazing season. I have been his fan through his sponser changes, wins and losses for too many years to freely admit. I am a republican, yes I hear the sighs and gasps. But even though right now being a republican sucks big and George Bush has made too many mistakes to even begin naming, I am still a republican. I may not always vote republican but I am one. You see these are many things that make me me and I am proud of every single one of them.

I will never ever make someone feel badly about themselves, their beliefs, their religion, their team, their children, their choices, their education, how they dress, how much money they make, how much hair they have or dont have, ect... of course way too many things to name here but I can easily say I will never use leveling to make myself feel better by making another feel badly about themselves.

(James asked me this question in a previous post:
1.) If you could HAVE that "one thing" you have wanted your entire life but once you except it someone you have never met living on the other side of the world would LOSE their "one thing" at the same exact time. Would you except yours?
my answer:
WOW Great question James, I had to really think about this, and I would have to sadly decline mine. I would not enjoy it knowing that someone else lost theirs, the guilt would be overwhelming.)

I kind of believe that is the same aspect as leveling. If I have to make someone feel bad about themselves or their decisions so I can feel good about myself and my decisions then it is most definitely NOT worth it!!

I will accept people at face value because that is how I wish to be accepted. I never pass judgement on anyone because I do not wish to be judged.

I wanted to thank everyone for their concern, it really made me feel warm and cozy. I am going to start posting and fight the need to censor myself. I am hoping with this post I will be able to put all my worries and concerns behind me.

12 Comments:

At 12/04/2005, Blogger The Michael said...

Wow, you really made up for being away with THIS one! You GO girl! This is YOUR blog, and you can damn well day anything you damn well wish! I do not necessarily agree with everything I see other people type, but I will defend to the death their right to say it. It does not matter what your blog does for other people, what really matters is what it does for YOU, for it's your soul that you are pouring out on these pages, and I would much rather read honesty that's not always crafted just right than something that crosses every T and dots every i and still says nothing that makes any real sense. You paint this space of yours any color you like, darling, and if they don't like it, they can get their kicks somewhere else. Bob sure didn't drag them in here and force them to like it. As for that "Christian" lady who wrote you to bitch and moan about your blog, well, it's not your fault her holier than thou self had so little to do with her own rightous life that she had to go and rain on yours. As long as you follow your own path to the best of your ability, that path will lead you where you need to go.

 
At 12/04/2005, Blogger Still Searching... said...

Cherish, write WHAT you want, HOW you want. Write what makes YOU happy, whatever it is that soothes YOU. If people don't like it...they always have the CHOICE not to read it.

 
At 12/04/2005, Blogger Lori said...

If you only wrote the word hello everyday in your blog that would be 100% ok with me. {{Big Hugs}} It doesnt matter what you write, for me it is the feeling I get every morning when I click on your blog and know that you are there with me thru thick and thin even though we are miles apart.

 
At 12/04/2005, Blogger littleone said...

cherish:

When i read your blog my initial response was...... "geeeeez are we supposed to edit.. use big words.. sound all uppity?" But then i remembered a couple of times that i was writing and suddenly stopped and thought about one or two people who might read what i was writing and i thought it might offend... and i nearly back spaced.. nearly !!! i didn't ! cause i honestly do believe that what one writes in one's blog is entirely and totally up to them.. if someone doesn't like what i write... my attitude is "buzz off"...
here's hoping you can say "buzz off" to the nay sayers and just continue to write from the heart..

morningstar (owned by Warren)
http://wtsubbie.blogspot.com/

 
At 12/04/2005, Blogger cherish said...

Michael: Thank you very much for the encouraging words. I really appreciate the support. It all seems very silly now and I am not sure why I am allowing it to affect me as it has. I guess because in my heart of hearts I want the entire world to love my blog, chuckles... Yes I know it is silly and stupid.

Still Searching: Thank you for the kind words. You are right and I am going to take your advice. I appreciate you commenting on my blog.

Lori: BIG HUGSSSS thank you so much my dear soul sister. I know we are miles apart by in my heart you are just down the hall. Knows you love my blog as I do yours!! But I figure you love my blog because you love me and anything I write. hehe

morningstar: Thank you so much for commenting. I enjoy your blog immensely and I know you write from the heart, it is beautiful!!

 
At 12/04/2005, Blogger JPA in STL said...

Writer's Block....what Writer's Block...

Here's a little bit of my philosophy.

"It's not a problem as long as it can be fixed.
It can always be fixed so it's not a problem."

Welcome back...

(thanks for the link)

 
At 12/04/2005, Blogger Fred said...

Your blog is an outward expression of your innner self. It's what YOU want it to be, and as long as you like what you see, the heck with anyone else.

It's your canvas. Some will give it a peek. Others will walk by and give it a few minutes. And there will be those that study it for hours. Either way, it's your work, and all are proud of what you do.

You should be, too. You're doing great. Have fun with it - we are. :)

 
At 12/04/2005, Blogger cherish said...

James: Awesome philosphy James!!
Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting.
Your blog is so damn yummy!!!!!!!
I visit frequently!
Wicked Evil Grin

Fred: Thank you so much for your wonderful words. I am feeling so much better about this entire blogging thing. I am not sure why I allow people to get to me. I think getting it out of my head and onto my blog made me feel better. But reading all the wonderful comments have made truly put some of these issues behind me.
Thank you for commenting and visiting.

 
At 12/05/2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Cherish YOU write what you want. It is YOUR blog and if anyone does not like what they see they can hit the next blog button. I dont understand why people has to say stupid things about what other people write if they dont like it, then why are they reading it?? Does this make any sense?? I am up with very lil coffee in me :)

 
At 12/05/2005, Blogger LocuTus of Borg said...

Well, it sounds like you wrote what you wanted to in that post. It is unfortunate that people critize so much on blogs that people feel they have to take them down. Or that people even start "stalking" people so they have to disappear. You definitely should be writing what you want to write. I do - after two people that I was seeing found my blog and was flabbergasted at HNT entries - oh well - its what I WANT to do. Hope you are blogging more :) but writer's block does happen so do not worry!

 
At 12/05/2005, Blogger cherish said...

Linda: Thank you very much!! I really do believe I am going to be able to leave this nonsense behind me. I do not care whether people like it or not. I like it and I am not perfect. Huggssss

LoB: Thank you very much for visiting and signing my blog. I appreciate your kinds words and I am going to take your advice. This has been a great experience for me because I have received such positive comments and I now see that people really do view the blog like I do; an outlet for me, if you do not like it then click the next blog button and move on!

 
At 12/06/2005, Blogger Kid Ric said...

Cherish, Just be yourself and write whatever you want. We check your blog because of who you are. Not for spelling or proper grammer. If someone does not appreciate you for who you are then they do not have to visit. Forget them they are not worth wasting time thinking about.

Thinking of you.

Peace, love and light to you and yours.

 

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