Friday, September 09, 2005

Writers Block

I have been at a lost for words lately. Last night I posted a story on here and then panicked about it all night. Although, I was too lazy to get out of bed to sign on and delete it. I was very relieved this morning to see no comments. chuckles..... I was not really expecting any but I did not want to offend anyone. The story was raw with no holds barred. I have so many things I would love to put here but even though it is an anonymous I find myself holding back writing here. I wonder if I should write about the alternative lifestyle that I love, my screwed up childhood, or just life. I began this log because I had so many emotions bottled up between losing the one that I thought I loved and losing my best friend who betrayed me, I was at a loss for anyone to talk to and I needed to get it out. I say the one I thought I loved because I have come to realize that love has to be mutual because one sided love is just an obsession. I use to have a stalker online, well maybe not a stalker but someone who just thought he loved me so very much and would never leave me alone. It was an ongoing problem while I was with my ex and he had to step in a couple times to put the guy in his place. Well, I deleted my ID and was finally rid of him. Well... the other day my ex gave the guy my new email, and I received an email from him the other day. I was so shocked, I thought I was done with him. I realized that my ex never loved me it was all a lie. Number one he would have never moved on so very quickly. Now he is in search of the one who completes him but told me he had to devote his time and love to his wife so he had to leave me because he loved me too much. Then he turns around and gives this nutcase my new email. I just can not believe it. I thought he was the most wonderful person and I loved him so much. But now I just think he used me and threw me away. It does not make me grieve any less it only makes me feel stupid and foolish as I grieve. I have found a new home in chat with a new ID and I was hoping to start over completely. I want to put it all in the past. I am beginning to make new friends, well acquaintances that I hope to be friends soon. Now he has begun to come into the chatroom where I am, when he entered the room I almost fell over, he was never in that room before, and since people type so uniquely, I think he realizes it is me. I could not understand why he even showed up there, it is not his normal room. I was sad to see him in there, I never want to see him again. Especially when he is in there flirting like a madman looking for his next victim. Well I sat there quietly waiting for him to leave. Well the next day guess who pops into the chatroom, the friend who betrayed me. I guess they are trying to figure out if it is me or not. I am not sure why they even care if it is me or not, neither want to be in touch with me. I think they will start trouble there for me. The weirdest thing is I know she wants him for herself, and I know he wants her. So maybe they tried it out and it did not work and they remain friends. They have a common bond complete hatred of me and bashing me daily. I am now waiting for their hate to invade where I am now. Oh well I am just about ready to put chatting behind me and forget all of this nonsense. I find myself sitting in the chat room as everyone chats and I am looking at art and fantasy art on the internet or I am reading blogs, so I think I was done with chat a long time ago. I wish I knew how to add the weblogs I frequent onto my profile. There are some wonderful ones that I enjoy immensely and wait for their next entry.

4 Comments:

At 9/09/2005, Blogger Cliff Stern said...

it sounds, from this and other posts, as if you are constrantly being stalked -- this must create an awful feeling inside you. I can only imagine the lack of trust that this creates. I'm sorry for that.

 
At 9/09/2005, Blogger cherish said...

Thank you Cliff smiles...

 
At 12/27/2005, Blogger Jack said...

Jeez, this is a big story. The ex gave your stalker your info? What a dick!! I wonder if he's just playing to the new woman who was your former friend, though. They both suck, though, I know that.

 
At 12/27/2005, Blogger cherish said...

I agree Jack and so VERY happy this is all behind me!

 

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